aboveboard
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Never around when wanted
Plastic bags are like policemen; there's never one around when you want one. I went out at 7am instead of 6am when it was light and had stopped raining, and came across dozens of sweet chestnuts on the ground. As I had forgotten to take a plastic bag with me and saw none lying about, I couldn't collect as many chestnuts as I'd have liked. When I arrived home and emptied out my pockets, I found that one contained a plastic bag. D'Oh; it must have been in there for months.
I washed the chestnuts and put them in a pan to soak while I ate my porridge. When I came to boil them I spotted a maggot swimming in the water. I was glad that I'd noticed it because I then scrutinised all the chestnuts and found about six with tiny holes. I threw these away and boiled the rest. When I peeled those I found two contained maggots which were almost the same colour as the chestnut flesh. I am glad that I can still spot a maggot at close quarters.
There was intermittent torrential rain all morning. I took route three to the care home in the afternoon to avoid floods on the other two routes but even that was flooded. I took route four on the way back and that was better; puddles on each side of the roads had yet to meet in the middle.
My father's birthday is on Tuesday so my brother and three of his kids and I met at the care home for a little party. His wife was feeling poorly so she stayed at home. The journey and two hours at the care home would probably have finished her off.
We brought cards and presents, and I brought cake, apple juice, plastic cups and napkins. On the front of my brother's card were the words 'Have you heard the freezer song?' This was revealed inside. Freezer jolly good fellow etc. My father sang the words, closed the card, read the front again, opened the card, sang some more, closed the card, read the words. On and on he went like a stuck record. He stopped when someone took the card from him and told him to open another. The next one received similar treatment apart from the singing.
Meanwhile Gladys sat in a corner next to some poor sod to whom she's taken a shine. I could hear her haranguing him about his doing nothing and her doing nothing and her wanting to get out. All these people in her house and none of them invited and she would have to do something to sort it.
Chris, an old biddy as my father called her, came in and out every five minutes to rearrange the chair cushions. Occasionally she would come over to us and walk round the back of our chairs talking gibberish, cheerful gibberish. Once she uttered the word 'Yes' and once 'No' but apart from that everything was unintelligible.
One of the presents was a box of mints. My father opened the packet and handed it round. We all took one. Minutes later he looked at his presents, picked up the box of mints and remarked that some were missing. 'Who's eaten my mints?' he said. 'You handed them round,' we chorused. He wouldn't believe us. 'Some buggers have eaten my mints,' he complained.
Thought for today
Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for middle age and old men's nurses.
Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)
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